


Cerulean Blue

by lollki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Tumblr Prompt, kissing and other radical stuff, things you said at 1 a.m., written in the perspective everyone hates reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5824819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lollki/pseuds/lollki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tumblr prompt: things you said at 1 a.m.</p><p> </p><p>  <em> "I can count on my fingers the times you've appeared at the door of my apartment unannounced, with your eyes in wonder and your heart lost somewhere inbetween your mind and your desires." </em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Cerulean Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vai_xu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vai_xu/gifts).



> I can not be held accountable for shitty grammar and cheesy, overly dramatic lines.
> 
> this goes out to vaixu who believed in me when no one else did, god bless your sinful heart

I can count on my fingers the times you've appeared at the door of my apartment unannounced, with your eyes in wonder and your heart lost somewhere inbetween your mind and your desires.  
The protest that hung on my lips was never voiced because it was silenced by what I wanted instead of what I thought was smart.  
You kissed me twice and all I could hear you say was „Keiji, Keiji, Keiji.“  


You took me out on a nightly snack run sometimes between summer and autumn and I admired your neck in fluorescent shop light; I never thought you could look so good against a wide panel window with the night staying out and _24/7_ staying in but then again I never thought you could look bad anywhere.  
The air that touched my face back outside was less gentle than your hands when I asked you if I could take a sip of your coke and you said „yeah, sure.“  


„I can't do this.“  
You only smoke when you're stressed or at parties and this time it was both and you wanted to say urgent things but couldn't.  
Inbetween the lines I read that you loved me and inbetween the lines I could have said that I did too but I was scared and so were you.  
I drew my legs closer to my body and watched you blow smoke into August Tokyo when you weren't looking but the music from inside the apartment wasn't as loud as our thoughts.  


I raised my head from dreamless sleep into weary consciousness, feeling the remnants of cotton warmth against the back of my head. I cursed the phone that rang into the darkness of my room but took it back as soon as I saw your name on the bright screen.  
My eyes flitted over to an LED alarm clock showing ones and zeroes and for the tenth of a second I imagined three scenarios all of which involved you being drunk (not that you only ever call at 1 a.m. when you're drunk).  
My fingers slide with more effort than usually over the screen of my phone and without greetings or casualties or any show of politeness you asked if you could sleep over and I said yes because I knew you would kiss me later and slip your palms under my white shirt.  


When you first said you loved me it was when I helped you solve a math problem, casual and caught up in the success of your solving it.  
You were sitting with your legs crossed on my carpet tapping the pen you were holding against your lips when it clicked and your eyes widened and you were relieved because it meant you wouldn't have to study any longer.  
You breathed out: „Thanks, Keiji, I love you.“, and only after holding my breath and counting to three, you seemed to realize what went on behind my eyes.  
Your stuttering breath and your wanting to backpedal didn't last long because as always you see an opportunity and you hold on to it until it stops moving and is secured between your lovely hands.  
When you said it a second time your voice was lower and my skin tingled more.  
When you said it a third time your lips were moving against my throat, tilting my head back with your thumbs.

  
Your fingers around my hand were the white contrast against the black, cold concrete under my back when I didn't look at you wondering like me, blessed with the same constellations of stars people had been looking at for centuries.  
„Where do you want to be in 10 years?“ You asked me even though your voice was smaller than what you saw above.  
I shook my head and felt your grip tighten with promises on your unmoving lips.  
„I don't know. Do you?“  
I tore my eyes away from cerulean blue to see you smile and close your eyes against moonlight.  
„I want to be here.“ you said.  
_With you_ , is what you wanted to say.

  
I'd never heard you angry before and never after, not like this, not with your voice shaking and loud and troubled when I called you back after I got home and slumped back against the door when it clicked shut.  
I'd really wanted to tell you I was leaving early because the music was too loud, the lights too blaring, the people too oblivious.  
I'd wanted to tell you that going home was the only option for me when my thoughts disrupted whatever enjoyment danced in my body but you would have followed me and tried to kiss it better and sometimes that doesn't help no matter how good your intentions.  
I remember you shouting how worried you were and how I should promise to never just wordlessly disappear again but all I could hear was the buzz at the back of my mind telling me how you deserved better, how I was nothing but an interruption in an otherwise content life.  
I looked at my trembling fingers when I told you this and you hung up and I thought I'd lost.

  
It turned out I didn't and when you gave me a key to your place and an armful of warmth later that night after stumbling steps toward me in haste, your thumbs traced patterns on my cheeks because they were wet.

  
But that wasn't at 1 a.m. and you didn't say a word.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are the coolest thing so if you have anything to say, please do!


End file.
